100 stupid gravestone engravings
I told them I was ill.
Well, this is inconvenient.
I finally got some peace and quiet.
Do not disturb. I mean it this time.
I always said I needed a lie-down.
Back soon. Probably not.
I have made a grave mistake.
At least the rent is reasonable.
I came, I saw, I had a nap.
Please forward my post.
I would rather be in the pub.
This was not on my bucket list.
I blame the satnav.
Keep off the grass. I am trying to sleep.
I knew that last sausage looked suspicious.
Finally—no more Mondays.
I should have read the instructions.
Gone, but still avoiding housework.
I left the oven on.
If you can read this, you are standing on my begonias.
I asked for a window seat.
Well, that escalated quickly.
Please delete my browsing history.
I said, “What could possibly go wrong?”
The doctor will be getting a very poor review.
I have reached my final deadline.
It was the dodgy prawn.
I told you the ladder was wobbling.
I am only resting my eyes.
I have gone somewhere without Wi-Fi.
I finally stopped procrastinating.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My warranty has expired.
Here lies someone who pressed the red button.
I should not have eaten the yellow snow.
The parachute instructions were unclear.
I have had worse Mondays.
This is why you wear sensible shoes.
The fortune teller owes me a refund.
It was definitely not “just a scratch”.
I have left the group chat.
I regret nothing—except that.
Tell my family I hid the money somewhere safe.
I knew I should have turned left.
I have finally lost some weight.
My alarm clock can get stuffed.
That light at the end of the tunnel was a train.
I never did finish painting the bathroom.
Gone fishing. Permanently.
Apparently, “best before” dates matter.
Do not worry—I have backed everything up.
I said I could fix it myself.
This is not the retirement village I chose.
I have gone to complain to management.
I should have ducked.
The risk assessment was inadequate.
My five-minute nap got out of hand.
Here lies a person who ignored the terms and conditions.
I finally found somewhere I can afford to live.
The diet starts tomorrow.
I am dead tired.
Please water me occasionally.
I took “sleeping like the dead” too seriously.
That expiry date was not a suggestion.
I have gone to see if the grass really is greener.
I always wanted people to bring me flowers.
Do not let the cat have my chair.
I was right about the brakes.
The mushrooms were not from the supermarket.
Turns out I could not eat another one.
At least I escaped the family WhatsApp group.
I have finally stopped answering emails.
Leave a message after the tone.
The last round was a mistake.
I am unavailable for comment.
I never liked mornings anyway.
Please knock. I may be asleep.
I expected a warmer welcome.
They said the battery was included.
I forgot where I buried the will.
I should have gone for the extended warranty.
This is all part of my five-year plan.
I have taken early retirement very seriously.
It was not supposed to do that.
The manual specifically said not to do it.
I have finally beaten the rush-hour traffic.
I would like a second opinion.
The “harmless little noise” was not harmless.
Someone else can empty the dishwasher.
I have gone off-grid.
I am no longer accepting visitors.
I thought quicksand would be more obvious.
Please cancel my gym membership.
I always was hopeless with deadlines.
Do not believe everything you read on gravestones.
I put the “fun” in funeral.
I am saving a place for you. No hurry.
I suppose this means I lost the argument.
If found, please return to the pub.
That is the last time I follow an online tutorial.
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