List of 100 stupid gravestone engravings, like "I told them I was ill."

1. I told them I was ill.

2. Well, this is inconvenient.

3. I finally got some peace and quiet.

4. Do not disturb. I mean it this time.

5. I always said I needed a lie-down.

6. Back soon. Probably not.

7. I have made a grave mistake.

8. At least the rent is reasonable.

9. I came, I saw, I had a nap.

10. Please forward my post.

11. I would rather be in the pub.

12. This experience was
    not something I wanted to do.

13. I blame the satnav.

14. Keep off the grass. I am trying to sleep.

15. I knew that last sausage looked suspicious.

16. Finally—no more Mondays.

17. I should have read the instructions.

18. I’m gone, but I’m still avoiding housework.

19. I left the oven on.

20. If you can read the sign, you are standing on my begonias.

21. I asked for a window seat.

22. Well, that escalated quickly.

23. Please delete my browsing history.

24. I said, “What could possibly go wrong?”

25. The doctor will be getting a destitute review.

26. I have reached my final deadline.

27. It was the dodgy prawn.

28. I told you the ladder was wobbling.

29. I am only resting my eyes.

30. I have gone somewhere without Wi-Fi.

31. I finally stopped procrastinating.

32. It seemed like a good idea back then.

33. My warranty has expired.

34. Here lies someone who pressed the red button.

35. I should not have eaten the yellow snow.

36. The parachute instructions were unclear.

37. I have had worse Mondays.

38. This is why you wear sensible shoes.

39. The fortune teller owes me a refund.

40. It was definitely not “just a scratch"

41. I have left the group chat.

42. I regret nothing—except that.

43. Tell my family I hid the money somewhere safe.

44. I knew I should have turned left.

45. I have finally lost some weight.

46. My alarm clock can get stuffed.

47. That light at the end of the tunnel was a train.

48. I never did finish painting the bathroom.

49. Gone fishing. Permanently.

50. Apparently, “best before” dates matter.

51. Do not worry—I have backed everything up.

52. I said I could resolve it myself.

53. This is not the retirement village I chose.

54. I have gone to complain to management.

55. I should have ducked.

56. The risk assessment was inadequate.

57. My five-minute nap turned into a disaster, and I ended up with a head injury.

58. Here lies a person who ignored the terms and conditions.

59. I finally found somewhere I can afford to live.

60. The diet starts tomorrow.

61. I am dead tired.

62. Please water me occasionally.

63. I took “sleeping like the dead” too seriously.

64. That expiry date was not a suggestion.

65. I have gone to see if the grass really is greener.

66. I always wanted people to bring me flowers.

67. Do not let the cat have my chair.

68. I was right about the brakes.

69. The mushrooms were not from the supermarket.

70. Turns out I could not eat another one.

71. At least I escaped the family WhatsApp group.

72. I have finally stopped answering emails.

73. Leave a message after the tone.

74. The last round was a mistake.

75. I am unavailable for comment.

76. I never liked mornings anyway.

77. Please knock. I may be asleep.

78. I expected a warmer welcome.

79. They said the battery was included.

80. I forgot where I buried the will.

81. I should have gone for the extended warranty.

82. This is all part of my five-year plan.

83. I have taken early retirement very seriously.

84. It was not supposed to do that.

85. The manual specifically said not to do it.

86. I have finally beaten the rush-hour traffic.

87. I would like a second opinion.

88. The “harmless little noise” was not harmless.

89. Someone else can empty the dishwasher.

90. I have gone off-grid.

91. I am no longer accepting visitors.

92. I thought quicksand would be more obvious.

93. Please cancel my gym membership.

94. I always was hopeless with deadlines.

95. Do not believe everything you read on gravestones.

96. I put the “fun” in funerals.

97. I am saving a place for you. No hurry.

98. I suppose this means I lost the argument.

99. If found, please return to the pub.

100. That is the last time I follow an online tutorial.

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